one never realises how many prepositions are loose in the world until an attempt is made to learn a new language :(

at around 5-6 when the sky turns abruptly from black to cold and grey, there is no muazzin call in the air. and the birds sound different too. a lot more SQWUAKY and CAW CAW CAW.

when the drive is running down there is no sarah jean or stef on the other end of msn to rant about the past years or how much o chem we've done. or how much C4 we haven't done. there's nobody to shout in capitals, " STUDY SARAH LIEWS OR YOU BURN THE A'SSSSSS"

mum is not there for me to divulge my sorrowful whining about how little sleep i am on. nobody would pamper me with chicken soup or brands. haha..ming once brought brands to the library before phys 6 and said his mum forces him to drink. i guess it is a ubiquitous asian mom thing.

no kiasu beans to motivate every lab to be hardcore and fast & furious. mr lim is not there with his "STUWENTS FASTER I HAVE A CLASS AFTER THIS FASTER STUWENTS FASTER FINISH IF U DON'T FINISH THE NEXT CLASS CANNOT GO AND MR LEE WILL KILL ME STUWENTSSS" siren. no mr yeap to shout and terrify you into never leaving the funnel in the biurette while titrating again. no more "aiya shittt.t.t.t.t...air bubble" at the end of finishing an exp. no more breaking apparatus left right & centre (1 conical flask is RM 14)

there is no feeling of everyone suffering together and the next day in class you can all compare who has the biggest eyebags. last night on webct i was watching the # of people online deplete from 60++ poeple till around 4am when there was a grand total of 7 asians left.

no king yi tempting me to sneak out of the house for supper. no supper at all because everything is closed by 12.

no past year answers!!!!!! DDDDDDD: how to memorise essay question answers liddat?!?!

for the first time, not one single paper to look forward to :( no chem n no phys to break the killer feeling of being in deep crap. stress stress stress. every paper is dreaded n unpleasant. mighty stress :((

no random waking up sounds when nanay or the brothers eventually get up. 6am is pretty quiet without them

no donny singing around the library n terrorising the cubicles at random. no more "i can do all things" verses on the painted board in front of your eyes

cramming here is such a lonely affair! :(


ok back to the books! redbull break is over 8)

grr.. exams again. the season when the biggest variety of the day is deciding between redbull and coffee. singing the usual song of "aaaaaaaaaaaaihhhhh...should have started studying earlier T_T" /regret regret regret. ok back to drowning in mgc now. metabolism! woohoo!

But I would rather be horizontal.
I am not a tree with my root in the soil
Sucking up minerals and motherly love
So that each March I may gleam into leaf,
Nor am I the beauty of a garden bed
Attracting my share of Ahs and spectacularly painted,
Unknowing I must soon unpetal.
Compared with me, a tree is immortal
And a flower-head not tall, but more startling,
And I want the one's longevity and the other's daring.

Tonight, in the infinitesimal light of the stars,
The trees and the flowers have been strewing their cool odors.
I walk among them, but none of them are noticing.
Sometimes I think that when I am sleeping
I must most perfectly resemble them--
Thoughts gone dim.
It is more natural to me, lying down.
Then the sky and I are in open conversation,
And I shall be useful when I lie down finally:
Then the trees may touch me for once, and the flowers have time for me.

-sylvia plath

if there was ever a contender for my love for canon, it would be lumix. maybe it is just me and my notion that leica=godlike but looking at this bunch and also the mini olym pics, it seems to give everything a pretty epic feel.

one of the things i really miss: standing in church and singing hymns from the green book. or sometimes when min fook or a happening uncle requests something radical like 'how great is our God' haha. far out :)

don't really know what's been up with my psycho dreams lately. some of them are really viciously bad like they're composed solely to leave me feeling upset the rest of the day. the really vivid ones can leave a hot ball of jealously, sadness, anger etc etc etc in my chest that won't go away for quite a while. rolling out of a dreamless sleep on the other hand is pretty unsatisfying, almost like all i did was shut my eyes for a little while and its back again to life in perth. i guess frightful and terrible dreams about home are better than none at all if it means imaginary me gets to be back there for a while. hur hur. sleep is such a baited trap these days =| never know what lovely emotions the night is gonna bring next

do you ever get the feeling that you are only full of empty words. somewhere along the way those words that carry real meaning must have slipped away unnoticed, or maybe they have just gone into hiding. because it is always easier to say what we don't really mean and slide the truth away behind a screen of smoke and mirrors. what is it like to have all the things you actually feel and think suddenly tumble unprotected from your lips.. oh well haha lol..who knows =/

In hindsight, there are so many things that could have been done differently. and there are so many things that could have been different about this present moment. rearview mirror vision is always the most clear and revealing but sometimes maybe its better to not be able to look back and wonder about this and that n the flotsam n jetsam and lalala..

am missing a certain canine in kl at the moment. but this afternoon we managed to coerce tilly, who is the smelliest and dirtiest dog in the whole of perth to come into the house. simon and cheryl won her over because their combined forces were the most powerful but after all the ruckus was done, she rolled over on the floor and let me scratch her big fat belly. hmm the thing about dogs is that they all kind of love you the same. and they dont really give a crap if you are big small fat skinny purple orange smart talented attractive ugly plain stupid etc etc etc. and thats why dogs can sometimes be more awesome than a lot of humans.

c'est la vie! transient and always shifting. keeps you second guessing and doubting and wondering and lalalaa. being wise after the event. pooh pooh..why cant wisdom come before once in a while!?

still have not found a place for ballet here. woee woeeee! my poor shoes are still stuffed in the back of the drawer and perhaps there they shall remain to the ends of their days. :( maybe nutcracker was never meant for me and god is gently trying to deter me from dreaming of being semionova or cojocaru. haha..where would you fly? to the kirov! or london or berlin or moscow. and always at the end of the day home to kl :)

wish i had more of my books with me here to read. should be studying instead but am always toooo lazy to open up the textbooks. sigh..how i miss my favorite companion, nights are so long and lonely without him. internet oh internet PLEASE HURRY UP N COME :(

home again for one weekend! the humid air has never been more welcoming and the smell of kl at night has never been sweeeter. sigh..home sweet home where the siu yuk is tender and crunchy and the roti is fluffy and hot. how i miss you and all the people who make it the best place in the universe :( hehe..thank you ss for letting me hide out at your place. n thanks everyone who let me take up a huge chunk of your weekend :)

uni has started already, in fact the first week is already over! *sigh of relief* after a DISASTEROUS first day there the rest of it was comparatively quite alright. haha. have so far met plenty of singaporeans and east malaysians but 0 klites. bussing to uni is quite sweet. as is walking to the station. ipod has officially become my new best friend and into the west is like..the theme song of everyday. T_T

havent bought most books yet because still have no place to stay and dont wanna be lugging them over when it is finally time to move in. kinda wish i brought big canon over =| somehow have gotten unused to the tiny camera's screen..im pretty sure it never used to be this yellow.

dissecting the pigs next week!! :D cant wait muahaha..

I MISS KL :(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
I WANNA GO HOOOMEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

since getting here to perth its been 1 massive rush of going to uni (late) and completely missing all of the orientationa ctivities thus having to scramble from one end of the campus to the other looking for obscure buildings and gathering up one by one all the bits and pieces of info that i assume usualy come together conveniently in the welcome pack eg timetable, booklist, subejcts etc etc. also has been really hard fiding somewhere to live because all the residential colleges are "fully booked" because for some dumb reason the returning studetns get first priority and first years are all left out in the lurch :( huhuhu. so showed my face at all their doors but was turned away so have been house/flat/apartment hunting for the last 2 days and have finally found a possible living setup because today while waiting to view a small aprtment met celena from elizabeth n justin's church and she and her friend managed to find this 3 bedroom apartment so might end up staying with them and not all by myself in a sad little hovel with nobody to talk to except maybe a potted plant or goldfish yayy!! also had to pick subs yesterday plus one elective and i really wish i could have taken physics but wasnt allowed because took it for a levels :( so signed up for french!!! hahaa..am quite happy about that =P should be funny. huh..classes start on monday and i still have no clue which groups im in or which classes to attend because the woman who was supposed to gie me my timetable (and whom we have been calling incessantly for the last 48 hours) is not in he office so i met someone really nice and elpful who called up differet departments and eventually managed to get a few of my classes determined except for the most crucial one on monday so will have to turn up at 8 to see if i'm in that class and if not will wait 3 hours for the next one.

sigh. super freaking freaking freakin freaking super super duper suepr very veryv eryv miss home :( i keep thinking i'm only here for an interview and will be going back next wednesday with mom but that is NOT TO BE!! haha. im hoping it doesnt all hit me at once like when parents leave and im stranded here by myself and because of that start blubbering but have a dreaded feeling that that is exactly what will happen T_T huhuhu..have not cried since leaving which is a good thing..keep it up sarah haha. ok great now im talking to myself. sigh. miss kl miss kl miss kl

okok happy thoughts. doing french. am in uni. found the most pwning 2009 planner in the universe at oxfam shop today. because was looking for the secondhand bookshop and on the way stumbled upon the army surplus store (lolol) and oxfam. hehe. that was a good thing. and also met a few people who are in the same homeless boat as me so is not too bad. also roughly got the timetable so maybe wont be too lost on monday.

sigh very sad :( wanna go home

Am no longer going to Melb Uni because yesterday UWA dropped the bomb that they have a spare place in med which they offered to me. And because the prospect of facing another whole entire round of interviews later on is wholly unappealing (and also will prob FAIL ALL OF THEM AGAIN) I said yes. And so now, everything is being rerouted from Melbourne to Perth which is kinda incredibly last minute and also has left me still in a bit of a daze =S hu hu hu..

can leave you reeling

Labels: ttfn

for being the 9th day left instead of the 555505009284204th day

*insert pic of king yi angie and sheryl*

Labels: ttfn

Labels: ttfn

have been very much in a rather robotic state these last few days whereby i cannot really distinguish any messy "emotions" or "feelings". somebody in the dead of the night might have hollowed out my heart lungs liver and stomach and replaced them with rows of neatly arranged circuits and capacitors and now they are all just going about doing what electronics do while all my real organs are lying in a pile somewhere feeling sad away from my body. the only constant is the persistent awareness that this is the final run of doing everything that i love. yeah i will be back soon june is only 4 months away half of malaysia is in melbourne but still its surprising how there can suddenly be such a limited supply of time left at home, when once upon a time 6 months felt like it would go on forever. and of course coming home for the holidays is not the same as having never left. there is no more sense of regularity or permanence and no more endless weekends of yf stretched out endlessly from sea to shining sea. and now there's no more the luxury of complaining about duties and having to go early because THIS WILL BE THE LAST TIME and some things are better enjoyed. well..maybe it will take a while but eventually the idiosyncrasies of kl life will be replaced by a melbourne life. maybe in 2 years or 3 years i will have forgotten how on tuesdays to drive to pj and put on pointe shoes and go for white coffee with farah and mien. and on fridays to be having worship practice or meetings. and also indomee after ya on thursdays. and how it is absolutely imperative on saturday nights to check who is playing what tomorrow. how to wake up at 7 for church. and to arrange the chairs after yf. and how to take the lrt to school and back. and to stand outside church for at least 30 mins before always eventually deciding on off middle shop. how the viva will always be outside the house and chava must always be de-ticked. and its only a matter of months before im also erased from the deep grooves of habit and then i'll just become a visitor in all these things. sigh. it is perfectly more sensible to be dying to go but at this moment i so very very very dont want to leave home :(

Labels: ttfn

my turn now to be constantly talking about accommodation (or lack thereof), living out of a suitcase, urgently dire need for passable cooking skills, bringing over bedsheets? pots and pans? bought a ricecooker yet? iron? every other electrical appliance under the sun? how much stationary and paper to bring so that you have enough to last yet not too much to make you be overweight. airtickets, coming home in june/december, where is the nearest safeway and tramstop, booklists, etc ad infinitum. aaaaah! 12 more days. not ready to leave yet :(